Trick or Treat-ing Vultures

So Halloween has come and gone this year.  And the Scrooge that I am, I decided I didn’t want to hand out any Halloween candy this year.  Its not that I don’t love the kids, its just that I didn’t really feel like sitting by the front door for 3 hours waiting for kids to show up.  So I made sure when I got home I didn’t turn the porch light on so these Trick or Treaters didn’t get the wrong idea.  After all, I didn’t even have any candy in the entire house to give away!

So I get home from work yesterday evening around 7:00 or so and head out back the let the dog out of her pen and run around a bit before I let her in the house.  After I get settled in a bit I flip the back porch light on so I can go get the dog’s dishes and let the dog on.  I grab the bowls and head back in to clean all the leaves out.  No longer than 3 minutes later there’s a knock at the back door!  Trick or Treaters!

“Are you handing out candy?”  They ask.

“Uhh…well I didn’t think you’d see the back porch light,” I said, a little miffed that they had the audacity to even ask.  Even these kids knew there was something a little off about going to someone’s back door asking for Halloween candy or else they wouldn’t even have had to ask.  But with a smile on my face I just said, “I don’t have any candy but let me see what I can dig up.”

I recanted my childhood memories of digging through my Halloween candy knowing full well that every kid remembers exactly where they got the best treat that night, and the worst treat.  I was bound and determined not to be the worst treat.  Ritz crackers?  No!  That won’t work!  Sugar, I need something with lots of sugar! The clock was ticking and the dog outside on her leash was getting more insane with each passing moment these strangers were on the back steps.  Suddenly I spotted it.  It might actually work!  A box POP-TARTS®!  Please, please, please let there be two pouches of pastry goodness inside the box...  Victory! But what would the kids think about Pop-Tarts® as their treat? Wait a second…I don’t care, they shouldn’t have come knocking in the first place!

“Ohh COOL!  Pop-Tarts®!  Thanks!” they said.

Mission accomplished and lesson learned.  If you don’t have something to give away, don’t let a single outside light burn on your house.  Don’t even light a candle on a windy Halloween night outside your house, for the Trick or Treaters are waiting in the bushes for their chance to strike.

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Posted on November 1, 2007, in Holidays, WTF. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. What did Max give out on “Grumpy Old Men”? Soap and a stapler? Something like that. I bet the pop tarts were a much better idea!

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