Looking Forward to 2017
For whatever reason, 2016 has been a weird year. It was certainly a tougher year at work. Feeling like I was working harder but not really doing a better job. But then again, the job itself got harder. A lot of times I’ve wanted to sit down and write on the blog, but all too often I could just think of things to complain about. That’s not what I wanted to fill the blog with anyway.
But in 2017 I’m looking forward to some things. First, the new baby that will be coming sometime in June. I’m excited. I think back to when we first found out that Andrea was pregnant with Luke. We had tried for a while, then just decided, “whatever happens, will happen.” That’s pretty much exactly how this one happened too. And I remember thinking back then that I was excited, and knew my life was going to change, but didn’t exactly know how.
I feel a little better equipped, at least in the experience department this time around. But all those same things keep coming back. What will we have to sacrifice to afford him or her? How will we find time on top of an already packed life? Will they be healthy? Feelings and questions that are pretty familiar. But knowing we’ve gotten through it, and how fun and exciting it’s been up until this point takes a lot of that worry away.
That is definitely one of the things I’m going to be doing less of this year. Worrying. I used to be so good at not worrying. Guess that gets harder the more you become responsible for. When it’s just me, who cares. I’ll be fine. If I fall down, I’ll get back up. For home and work, I still find it difficult to force that attitude upon others. If I fail, now it affects more people than just me. I might feel fine taking the risk and bouncing back from mistakes, but others may not. I guess that’s part of growing, and leading. Knowing that your choices do affect others. How I can reconcile that with my own personal “Everything will be fine” perspective, is still a work in progress.
Without worry though, I hope for that to free me up to do a few more things. You can call them resolutions I guess if you want. For me, it’s just getting back to what makes me happy.
Strengthen my faith. I’ve felt more negative this past year than any time I can remember since sixth grade. One thing that really brought me peace was my faith, learning and growing my relationship with Jesus. I used to be so confident in my thoughts and feelings. But as I continued to give more and more of myself to the church in time and effort, I was only asked to give more and more to the church. Finally I broke when I felt like I didn’t have anything more to give. It didn’t weaken my faith in God, but certainly weakened my feelings toward church.
I’m still not sure where to go. I have very little desire to seek out a church anymore. But I do want to focus more on my relationship with Christ. The best thing I can think to do is to make it a goal to read the Bible in its entirety this year. I’ve quite a bit, though it’s been some time. But I’ve never truly read the entire Bible. On one hand, it’s a “just see if I can do it,” sort of thing. On the other, you can’t get that much of God’s Word and not find some good in it.
Cook more. Over Christmas I baked Snickerdoodles with Luke, and baked a Pecan Pie at Mom’s house. I realized it’s something I really like to do. Not good at it. But enjoy it and it’s something I can share with others. I want to try new recipes. Taste things I remember from years ago, and also some things I’ve never even had! The process of measuring, mixing, and baking, just feels very therapeutic.
Get organized. Almost the entire year I feel like work was just flying by the seat of my pants. I want to set some boundries. I do a lot of things at work, and that ends up meaning that the work is never done when it’s time to leave. I am only one person. I know I’m good at what I do. But much like the church discussion from earlier. There’s only so much I can give. My goal is to structure my day. Leave that structure able to be flexible, but dedicate time every day to one of the many things I have to do. Show, Sales, Production. Find out what I can REALLY get done in a day. Be flexible. And when I can’t get it all done, start finding people who are as good, or probably even better than me and give them an opportunity to knock it out of the park. I struggle with that last part, because I’m not the manager that gives out raises. But I feel like I was always given my raises in my job, because I was always willing to do more without asking for more. Suppose I should expect the same from others.
Write more. This is such a great place to vent. To decompress and really parse out my experiences. Just writing all this has been useful. Doing so on a regular basis I think could be huge for my mental health. It strengthens my convictions. It helps me articulate better in normal conversation. It’s just a good muscle to flex. Being a bit more contemplative and to off load many of these thoughts I think can really help. Of course it takes time. Time that could and perhaps should be spent doing other things. I just have to believe that the value of it in the long run is worth the investment in time it takes now.
That’s probably enough. I don’t want to get too carried away or nothing will change anyway. It’s hard. Hard to focus on what you really want to do when the rest of the world is screaming so loudly what it think you should do. Who cares. Who really freaking cares. Suck it world. I’m taking my life back.