Category Archives: WTF

Just when you thought…

Don’t watch the video below. YET.

Think of all the action movies you’ve ever seen. Now think of the most ridiculous action scene you’ve ever seen. Now imagine what it would take to make it even MORE ridiculous.

Now imagine the most ridiculous action scene you can possibly imagine.

Now be one upped by this video.

#*&@! @&$* BLAZER !@*$&

Okay, screw everything I said in that last post.  The Blazer is dead again and I think I’m done.

Blazer Update

Well, I’ve gotten to the point where I can’t progress any further on the Blazer without spending some money.  Now that the weather is nice and Andrea and I have been talking about camping a lot this summer, we decided that we need to get it running ASAP.  Especially since we’re already paying for insurance on it (which isn’t much, but still).

So I finally think I’ve got the fuel pump wiring straightened out and working like it’s supposed to.  I decided to tear into the engine and inspect the fuel injector and fuel lines for any leaks and see if anything under the intake could be causing problems.

Upper intake manifold removed. You can see the injector in the middle and the fuel lines on the right. Do you notice anything odd? Look closely...

WTF!? A HOSE CLAMP to stop a leak? Just when I thought it couldn't get more rednecked!

I was amazed.  To think that someone would go through all the trouble to remove the upper intake manifold and put it all back together and not spend the $50 on the new lines to just fix it.  You can see the bright silver finish from leaking gas washing the wall clean and a puddle of gas and gunk down by the bolt at the bottom.  “Well there’s your problem!”

So with new parts in hand we set out the replace the leaky fuel lines and the injector.

Old injector vs. New one. Pricey little bastard ($270). The old one's lines were so brittle they stayed in the position they were installed.

Yup... it's old.

Yup... it's new.

These are the nozzles that spray the fuel. Not the best technology today, but it works.

Old fuel line from inside the intake. This is the one that had small cracks leaking fuel inside the engine.

Those fuel lines were the hardest part of the job.  They were obviously installed in the truck before the engine was put in at the factory.  There wasn’t a whole lot of room and ended up having to get some smaller tools to get the job done.  But after a bit of swearing, we got ’em out.

Ready to install!

With all the stuff out of there, cleaned all the gunk out of the intake. Didn't worry about making it spotless... not like anyone is going to see it.

My favorite part. Looking at all the new stuff perfectly in place.

Andrea got her hands (and face apparently) dirty with this job too! I love having a wife that's interested in this stuff!

As we were putting everything back together it started getting dark.

Before I tried to start it up, I told Andrea that I was nervous.  That either it was going to do the same thing it was doing before, or it wasn’t going to start at all.  Turn the key…. and it cranks over but wouldn’t start.  I could get it running with some starting fluid, but it dies once all the fluid is burned up.  It’s just not getting any fuel.

So I’m thinking we’re gonna need a fuel pump too.  I don’t regret spending the money on these parts as the both were shot, but it sure would have been nice if that were it.  Future updates to come.  I’m definitely in too deep now to turn away.

Weirdest dream

Man, I had a dream last night that had it all.  It’s by far the oddest and most random dream I’ve had in years.  I have to write it down while it’s still vivid.

Started off from what I remember, smoking a cigar with Biebs on the front porch.  I’ve never even smoked a cigar, so I guess it’s what I imagine smoking a cigar would be like.  Later I found out the front porch belonged to my Aunt and Uncle and Andrea and I were living there.  Only found that out because Andrea was paying the bills online and said to my uncle, “All these bills have your name on them.”

To which he said, “I know, because it’s my house.”

THEN, I shit you not, Barack Obama shows up with a whole bunch of “feds”.  Or at least some guys in suits.  He says we have to get rid of anything that isn’t “efficient”.  Next thing I know a bunch of guys are loading up all my stuff and taking it out of the house.  TV, computer, even pictures and some of my old favorite shirts.  I remember screaming, “WHY DO YOU NEED MY SHIRTS!?”  And one of the guys said, they’re too old, these MUST be recycled.  They all piled into an old Beaver Express box truck and drove off.

My aunt and uncle thought it was great and I was so fed up that Andrea and I left and went to a hotel.  Only instead of ending up at the hotel we ended up at the State Capitol building and ended up following a school field trip around.  We wanted to go clear to the top, but it was blocked off, so we figured if we formed a big enough group and all went up at the same time, then there was no way they could stop us!  haha!

I don’t remember ever making it to the top…

Next thing I remember it was morning at the hotel and we were at the buffet.  Only it was more like a cafeteria with long galley style tables.  I went to go get some food but the whole buffet was empty, just a few empty buckets of what looked like used to be tapioca pudding.  Right as I was starting to go find Andrea and just skip the meal, the hotel workers brought out three GIANT boxes of cereal and filled the whole buffet line with them.  “That works.”  I thought and grabbed a bowl and scooped some cereal in.

I headed back to one of the long tables and right before I sat down Barack Obama was BACK, and he was walking my mother over to seat her next to me.  He said to me, “I know you have your feelings, but if you ever decide to, you can come sit with us.”  So mom and I sat down where we were and ate our cereal and Obama left.  Then as we were leaving the cafeteria I noticed Obama and those “feds” from earlier sitting a few tables down all eating cereal together.

And that’s about it.  That’s the nuttiest dream I’ve had in a LONG time.

So cool it’s awful.

This strikes a very harsh chord for me.  I love Cadillacs, I love El Caminos.  But this is like taking all your favorite foods, putting them in a blender and baking the pulp into a cake.  Odds are that even though you love everything it’s made from, it’s bound to be the most foul creation meant only for the deranged or stupid.

Other than the fact that an Eldorado and an El Camino go together as well Ralph Lauren blue blazer and neon swimming trunks…. I really do respect the craftsmanship that went into the car here.  First off it’s not just the front of a Caddy hacked onto the back end of an El Camino.  The bed and tail gate were substantially narrowed to fit inside the quarter panels of the Eldorado.  So you get to keep the body lines, fender skirts, and of course the tail fins, everything that makes this definitely a Cadillac, and not just a Chevrolet.

Use of carpet in the bed is my favorite touch.  No self respecting Cadillac man is going to be throwing muddy garden tools in the bed of this truck.  No, you use a Chevy for that.  This is more suited for delivering your custom made saddle to the stable of your prize stallion.  The tail pipes are a little too “hot rod” but everything else is very in character of opulence over function.

It’s so unique I’d have to drive one!

Two Angry Camels in a Car

30 seconds

Wait...  What?

Wait... What?

Damn uppity Target

Well we had a good time in Kansas City this past weekend.  We carpooled with Andrea’s sister and her husband up to downtown KC and shared a hotel room at the “Q”.  We get back to Wichita Sunday to pick up our dog and get headed home.  We all pile in her car and get ready to hit the road before the sun goes down.

As she whips out of her sister’s apartment complex like a bat out of Hades we hear a CLUNK VROOOOOOM! Sweet!  No muffler!  It was loud.  Like take it easy or we’ll get a ticket LOUD!  We turn a few heads as we make our way to the nearest store which just happens to be Target.  I take a look under the car to see what exactly we had going on.  Sure enough there was the muffler hanging there.  I didn’t want to leave it flopping around under there.  It’d be our luck a raccoon would run out in the road and end up ripping the whole damn exhaust out from under the car.

I needed something to tie it up out of the way.  I figured a coat hanger would do the trick.  Surely Target has coat hangers.  Hell yes they do, but they gotta either be freakin’ uppity wood hangers or shiny plastic iHangers.  Or super thick plastic coated wire hanger.  WTF!  Can’t middle class white people hang a shirt on a standard wire hanger these days?  You gotta have a hanger strong enough for an astronaut’s space suit or what!?

So I spend the freaking $7 on GD wire hangers.  (Because of course the ultimate proof of status is paying twice what any sane person would pay for any given product.)  And mangle it into quite the sturdy exhaust support.  Luckily it looks like the pipe just slid out of the coupling and all I’ll need is a new exhaust clamp.  And at least now I have some quality hangers to hang all my snazzy Burlington Coat Factory merchandise.

Oh man. A bad batch.

After a recent success story with the new Harvest Moon pumpkin ale, which unfortunately some didn’t like, I’ve been struck by what I can only assume is a bad batch of a old favorite.  My cheap beer of choice for some time has been Miller High Life.  I finished off my last Harvest Moon last night and later opened up a High Life.  Only this time it tasted QUITE different.

At first I assumed some residual flavor from the pumpkin ale was interfering with the taste.  So I set it aside.  I ate supper, cleansed the pallat, and decided to see if it was an isolated incident.  I grabed another from the case and checked the date to be sure.  11-03-08  A little close…but should still be good, right?  BLEH!  Nope! I dunno if they left something out of this batch, spilled it on the floor and squigee’d it into cans or what.  High Life is just on the cusp of drinkability as it is, and what ever was done to this batch pushed it over the edge.

So I’m stuck with a bunch of beer I can’t drink.  I’m thinking about just setting what’s leftover on the doorstep of some college kids here.  I’m sure they’ll take care of it.

Disappointed visitor

A lot of times people get to this site by searching for obscure things. I imagine many times they’re disappointed with what they actually find. I checked my stats this morning and found this: